Happy New Year!

At the CVS near Logan Circle on Vermont Ave. There was a female employee restocking shelves and her male friend following her around.

Male Friend: You know what monogamy means?
Female Employee: Yeah.
Male Friends. Like if I'm with someone, I can only have sex with that person. (long pause). Monogamy........that's crazy!!!

Your chariot awaits.

Group headed toward Dupont Circle:

Girl 1: I am too high maintenance for a cab.

Girl 2: I don't think I have met anyone too high maintenance for a cab before.

--Connecticut at N

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! [And we still prefer PBR to Scotch]

Overhead in the connecting hallway between the National Counterterrorism Center and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence:

20-Something Guy, in his trendy patterned square-toe shoes: "I know I'm old because I'm drinking scotch now."

Closed for Christmas

EavesdropDC will be closed for the next few days to celebrate Santa giving birth to baby Jesus on Hanukkah or something. We'll be back on Monday. Unless we get another sweater this year. Then we might go on a mad rampage and get ourselves locked up. Anyway, enjoy the season.

Drunk dialing isn't the only booze and phone related injury - don't let it happen to you!

Girl in Gallery (on GW campus): "I don't get it. My mom kept calling me last night, and I kept answering, and each time I was more drunk. How did this happen? oh and then she told me who I should have sex with...thanks slut"

Yeah, cus when I think sketchy, Gtown comes to mind...

Saturday night in the bathroom of Old Glory in Georgetown:

Drunk girl 1: Do you want to leave and go to Bethesda for the rest of the night?
Drunk girl 2: Yeah sure, that's fine.
Drunk girl 1: I just feel more comfortable in Bethesda. Those are my people. DC's kind of sketchy, you know?

That's not picky, that's what we call high standards.

Checking out at Giant in Alexandria:

Cashier: "I only use Charmin Toilet paper; if a place doesn't have it, I bring my own."

Customer: "Wow, you're picky."

Cashier: "I'm picky about my men too; they have to have all of their teeth."

Stupidity like this makes my head hurt

In the American Wars and Politics section at the National Museum of American History:

Woman: I am so lucky my family fled Germany before the Nazis invaded!

Man: You mean Poland?

Woman: What? The Nazis were from Poland?

Man: No - your family is from Poland.

Woman: Where were the Nazis from?

Haha! You have to resort to gimmicks to find love (I'm so lonely)

Thursday night at the Dupont Circle metro stop:

"Hurry! We're going to be late for speed dating!" - 20-something guy yelling frantically to his female buddy who was stuck at the metro turnstile.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHH!" - Female Buddy turning bright red as she shushed him and wrestled with the ticket taker.

Metro likes it dirty.

Friday night on Red Line after significant Metro delays:

Guy on the phone with his wife: "Honey, I feel so dirty. My hands smell so bad, like... Metro!"

There's only one Burger King (and hopefully there's a BK ad directly above this headline)

Drunk Guy wearing paper 'medieval times' crown and drunk guy dressed as a court jester randomly encounter on Kalorama

Jester: I'm the king!!!!
Crown Hat: You're a jester!!!!
Jester: No, your the king!!!!

Then why are we in the toothpaste aisle?

In the next aisle at the CVS at 21st & M -

Very excited woman: Oh, did I tell you? I'm getting my new teeth this month! Real ones this time!
Confused but supportive guy: ....Really?

Isn't it enough that we put Fillmore on Mount Rushmore?

We were going from Pentagon to L'enfant Plaza and we heard a tourist point to the Lincoln Memorial and tell her pre-pubescent son, "And that there is the Millard Fillmore Memorial"

Funshine bear will #$@! you up

Overheard in the Ronald Reagan Building.

Redhead 1: I'm at the bottom of the caring barrel.
Redhead 2: (Getting into the Care Bear stance) Do you need a care stare?

You were trying to call him machoist aren't you?

Last night, gelman starbucks at GW

boy to his friend: yea, well he's just a masochist.
friend has a confused look.
boy: no i mean, chauvinist. no wait. sexist. he's a sexist chauvinist.

Well, that and glue. It's what holds our insides together.

Husband to wife while shopping:

"Everyone eats Play-Doh. It's part of the American diet."

And number one on the billboard list this week is...

Outside the White House. A bike messenger whizzes by.

Bike Messenger (in song) into his nextel push-to-talk phone: And baby, you can lick my balls tonight.

Pot calling the kettle black

Tourist family pointing out various stops on a platform station map: "We could get off at Potomac (pronounced Pot-o-mac) station then walk to the cemetery."

Guy in a suit standing near by corrects the pronunciation.

Tourist lady smiles and says thanks.

Train pulls up.

Tourist lady says to family: "Let's go in this car, that guy's a prick."

That does NOT come with your SmartTrip card

On a red line train near the New York Avenue station:

Very loud drunk guy: "Well, it's not like you saying any of this matters, he's gonna give me a blowjob right now anyway."
Very loud, whiney drunk girl: "But you didn't ask the Metro conductor!"

But he can't jiggle

"He has, like, the IQ of jello." - random college girl on Marymount shuttle bus, Ballston

She's just being Miley . . .

Two guys in Georgetown talking about chick flicks:

Guy #1: Wait, you LIKED Mean Girls?!
Guy #2: Dude, don't start with me. You DVR Hanna Montana.

[And on that note: All of the EavesdropDC folks are taking off for Thanksgiving. We'll soon be stuffing our faces with turkey . . . and not in the DC area. Keep sending stuff in, and we'll resume our usual posting schedule on Monday. Gobble Gobble!]

You're a bad friend.

Girl number one in consulting firm business suit: "Why didn't you say anything?"
Girl number two in consulting firm business suit: "Well I couldn't just tell her she looked like a fucking crack ho."

--Rosslyn

Gossip Girl here . . . I've got the skinny on some GW hanky-panky

I am walking to a friend's house in an apt. technically on GW campus, pass three undergrad females. One says quietly, "I don't remember." Her friend yells, "Is that why you were screaming? I KNEW it was more than just fingering!"

Obama's got his swim cap ready.

A family of tourists walks by the Reflecting Pool. The son says in a concerned voice..."But dad, is that REALLY where the president swims?"

Don't blame me, it wasn't my turn to post.

In line for the bathroom at the Hirshhorn Afterhours:

Girl to her friends: "That's going to be the next chapter of the book - Boys who Text but Won't Have Sex!!"

It's not a recession if you can still afford an escort.

On 14th Street, just north of K.

Man smoking a cigarette outside hotel: "Three's company!"

Man walking by with three scantily clad women on his arms: "But I can barely afford it!"

Wait, there's a difference?

Overheard at bar in Georgetown:

Girl: I prefer shots over alcohol.
Guy: (after thoughtful pause) So, do you prefer Africa the country or Africa the continent?

Biden's already redecorating.

From our eavesdropper:

i was out and about today... and there was a young family walking behind me.
an adorable 4 year old girl spoke up and said "I saw Joe Biden's house today!!"
the dad said "Yeah, I told her that because I couldn't bear telling her that Dick Cheney lived there..."

Metro: Yes we can.

Overheard while transferring from ridiculously crowded Red Line train to ridiculously crowded Yellow Line train at China Town

Woman One: Dammmnnn girl! This Metro so damn c-rowded

Woman Two: Shit yeah. Too many people here.

Woman One: Don’t worry, Obama gonna take care of that.

Not that we're saying the shoe fits or anything. . .

Guy on cell phone: "Did they sell their house?"
::pause::
Guy on cell phone: "Ohhh, they COULDN'T sell the house! ......yeah....that makes sense! Ain't nobody can't get credit now, ho!"
::pause::
Guy on cell phone: ".....wait, i didn't mean to call you a ho, grandma...."

Vote for Lando Calrissian!

On the 7B Bus from Park Center to Pentagon, The Conversation of two Obama supporters (young women) who talk like the girls on The Hills.

"I went to Obama's rally in Leesburg, but I couldn't get in, so I stood outside the gate. It was really cool to listen to"
"Yeah, was it crowded?"
"OMG there were so many people there, like, probably 10,000. But everyone was really nice and patient, and didn't push"
"Yeah, McCain's rallies aren't like that. I mean, I've never been to one, but I've heard people say people are mean at them."
"Well, it makes sense. I mean, we're talking about Good and Evil here."
"Yeah."

P.S. If you don't get the subject line:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Perhaps he just enjoys standing in long lines?

Walking down the sidewalk outside the polling place with a woman on a cell phone walking behind me.

Woman on cell phone: "Gurl, I don't even know why James was up in there. He a convicted felon and can't even vote!"