“Did she tell you how hard it was going to hit you in the face? 68 miles per hour. Do you need me to draft up a legal waiver?”
Boom! Pow! Smack! Face Sweat!
October 24th, 2011 · Uncategorized
Guy in costume store wearing a Batman mask:
“Man this is hot, I don’t know how Batman does it all the time.”
Burr-ned
October 19th, 2011 · Uncategorized
Overheard in rush-hour traffic through an open window as we crawled south on North Washington Street, Alexandria: “NO! It’s AARON Burr, not Raymond Burr! Jee-zus!…”
I’m willing you my self respect.
October 4th, 2011 · Adams Morgan
“You promised your mom on her deathbed you wouldn’t cheat on me.”
–Adams Morgan
It is true.
September 7th, 2011 · Uncategorized
“Stupid things are happening all the time! Why aren’t you posting about them?”
–Overheard in my office by someone complaining that I haven’t posted in awhile.
Lacrosse – now with more racism.
July 18th, 2011 · Dumb chicks
Girl in Pentagon City talking to friends:
“I watched lacrosse for the first time the other day. I don’t get it. They just run around and hit each other with sticks. It’s like Rodney King.”
The Smithsonian is the People’s Museum
July 14th, 2011 · Smithsonian
In the Earth, Moon, Meteorites section of National Museum of Natural History: Man resting arm on a large meteorite to wife, in complete deadpan: “Honey, can you smell what the rock is cookin’?”
We’re down with 2 of these 3 things. You can decide which 2.
July 12th, 2011 · Uncategorized
Woman explaining to her friend why she sometimes doesn’t want to go out on Friday nights:
“Sometimes I just want to smoke a bowl, check Facebook, and masturbate.”
–overheard during a loud convo on the metro.
When Tough Love Isn’t Enough
July 5th, 2011 · Uncategorized
A group of co-workers in the West End discussing the show Hoarders on A&E. Two guys in the group:
Guy #1: Those just people have a bad case of laziness. You know what they need?
Guy #2: Yeah, they need some hard love.
(other co-workers in group look disgusted)
Guy #1: Uh, they need tough love. Tough love. I think hard love is something entirely different.
Maxiflex’d!
June 20th, 2011 · Uncategorized
Two workmates at the Starbucks, 14th and New York Ave.
Woman: I’m jealous of ______, she has Maxiflex.
Man: you’re jealous of her tampons?
Woman (looking disgusted): It’s the name of her work schedule.