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Eavesdrop DC

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We’re down with 2 of these 3 things. You can decide which 2.

July 12th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Woman explaining to her friend why she sometimes doesn’t want to go out on Friday nights:
“Sometimes I just want to smoke a bowl, check Facebook, and masturbate.”

–overheard during a loud convo on the metro.

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When Tough Love Isn’t Enough

July 5th, 2011 · Uncategorized

A group of co-workers in the West End discussing the show Hoarders on A&E. Two guys in the group:

Guy #1: Those just people have a bad case of laziness. You know what they need?
Guy #2: Yeah, they need some hard love.

(other co-workers in group look disgusted)

Guy #1: Uh, they need tough love. Tough love. I think hard love is something entirely different.

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June 20th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Two workmates at the Starbucks, 14th and New York Ave.

Woman: I’m jealous of ______, she has Maxiflex.
Man: you’re jealous of her tampons?
Woman (looking disgusted): It’s the name of her work schedule.

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Way to break the fourth wall.

June 16th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Coffee klatch overheard at the headquarters of a national intelligence agency:

Guy 1: “…the whole situation was really, I dunno, ‘Saved by the Bell-ish.’”
Guy 2: “Shouldn’t that be ‘Saved by the Bell-y?’”
Guy 1: “‘Saved by the Belly?’ No, that was the one with Roseanne Barr.”

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Isn’t there an app for that?

June 15th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Heard on the sidewalk in front of Metro Center:

Woman A – Oh, no!
Woman B (a nearby stranger) – Is everything all right?
Woman A – I think I forgot to lock my car.
Woman B – Where did you leave it?
Woman A – In East Falls Church. (Stops, takes out her car key fob, points it at the sky, and presses the “Door Lock” button.)
Woman B – Um, I think that you have to be pretty close to your car for that to work.
Woman A – (Looking annoyed) Well, I’ll just have to ask my dealer about that!

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Ovechk Him? I barely know him!

June 13th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Guy 1: Hey did I tell you guys that I saw Alex Ovechkin in his Mercedes?
Guy 2: Whats an O’Vegican?? Is that like a Vegan Mexican?
Guy 3: Clearly you don’t follow sports whatsoever.

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And don’t get me started about the Supreme Court.

June 10th, 2011 · Uncategorized

“If you grew up in LA, the White House is like, ghetto.”
–Cleveland Park

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Hang ten(pack)!

June 9th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Overheard at office in West End:

Guy 1: I got to keep running everyday so I can get those surfboard abs.
Guy 2: You mean washboard abs?
Guy 1: No, surfboard. You know, abs so good someone could surf on them.

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It’s all about the Benjamins

June 8th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Place – National Portrait Gallery at the Presidential Portrait Exhibit

Woman 1 to Guard: “Where is Ben Franklin’s portrait? We can’t find it and really need to see it”
Guard: “Umm… he wasn’t a president”
Woman 2: “Well, we both work for the post office and he was the first postmaster general. We can’t go home without seeing his picture”

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Quick! I want your best definition of stigamosis.

June 7th, 2011 · Uncategorized

Two ladies walking down the hallway at the HQ of a major government agency:
Lady 1: “They couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Some people said he had that Jesus bleeding thing…you know…ah…
Lady 2: “Hemophi–”
Lady 1: “Stigamosis.”

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